Sunday 8 August 2010

A month on...ANXIETY

It's been a month since my previous post. I have spent most of my time trying to finish my dissertation. It's been a slower process than I expected and with the heat and the attention span of a 2-year-old it hasn't been that easy to concentrate.

I'm also getting to that stage where I am starting to get anxious about finding work and being okay financially. I had a job interview about two weeks ago but didn't get what would have been an interesting and amazing job that I think I could have done pretty well.

And I'm just starting to PANIC. I don't know whether in addition to looking for paid work I should try and apply for an internship somewhere, or just do some volunteer work here. That is, if I want to work in International Development, whatever the hell that means. Another part of me wants to isolate myself and just try and write a little bit more.

I get anxious when I hear about people doing this and that and living their dreams and reaching their goals. If they're people I know, I'm happy for them of course. But at the same time I worry about when I'll be brave enough to recognise my dreams and go after them. I wish I had a clear idea about what I wanted to do and just went for it.

I also get anxious when I read about devastating events in the world. Most recently I've been reading about the floods in Pakistan. I get frustrated and angry with things like that happening to a country that's already gone through so much hardship.

I want to do something but I feel helpless and -more than helpless- scared.

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