What I have learned.

My academic year at UEA is gradually coming to a close. I am in the process of writing my dissertation, and in a few weeks’ time I’ll be moving back to Spain. It has been a tough year in more ways than one: being a full-time student after a 5-year break; being in a long-distance relationship; trying to find my feet in a small city to which I had no previous connections. It has definitely been a learning experience. I think it took me about 6 months to feel more at home here and more settled in my friendships, and then the academic year was pretty much over after that. Some of my course mates have already left Norwich; others, like myself, are coming and going for the past couple of months. We have all been dispersed somewhat – not that I really feel like we were exactly united and in the same place at any point. But yes, geographically we are all dispersed again, and those of my friends and acquaintances that remain Norwich are few and far between. We are all off to start a new adventure, or to return to where we were at before, just that little bit more knowledgeable about international development, with a fresh perspective on life and an inquisitive mind.

What have I learned this year?

I have learned a lot about international development. I had no previous academic background to the subject, so everything was new. One of the first things I discovered that Amartya Sen is a development theory guru and by quoting him you can cover your back pretty much on any topic. I learned a whole lot of jargon, buzz words and concepts that don’t necessarily mean anything much, the word “empowerment” perhaps the most over- and misused of them all. What I still haven’t learned is what “development” is, or whether such a concept even exists. Or, maybe that is exactly what I have learned.

I have (re-)learned that we live in completely unjust, corrupted world and that most of the efforts of those who try to fight it remain within a framework of structural injustice, and that there is always an us and them-juxtaposing going on.

Following from the above learning experience, I have (re-)learned that the language and way of thinking in the field of international development is often racist, prejudiced and patronising towards “developing” countries, and that studying post-colonial theory when I did English Literature at undergraduate level has helped me remain critical of that kind of discourse.

I have (re-)learned that I can write and that my writing is at its best when I just plough on bravely without constantly editing myself.

I have (re-)learned that I can be rather impatient and hard on myself, but that I can do anything I set out to do if I really want to.

I have learned to stress and worry a little bit less.

I have learned that I still procrastinate and that I still get very frustrated with myself for doing so.

I have learned that I can overcome silly little personal fears, but also some bigger ones, and I have overcome some of them to a great extent this year. A very silly example of this is my slight fear of horses. Having to walk past about 12 of them every morning on my way to lectures, and occasionally feeding them a little, was a good way to feel more comfortable around those beautiful (and huge) creatures.

I have learned to meditate a little bit.

I have learned that I have had enough of country-hopping for a while, and that I would like to feel more part of a small community and maybe put down some roots somewhere. This is a huge step for me as I have never really felt much like part of any community or even had much of a desire to do so. I think it will be challenging for me but exciting too.

I have learned to value and love my family even more than before.

I have also learned that some of my closest and dearest ones are very special and that it is important to hold on to these people, care for them and appreciate what I have with them.

I have learned that truly good friends are hard to find.

I have learned that I am starting to like alcohol less and less – especially beer.

I have learned more about trusting others and myself.

I have learned that it is worth investing in some funky heels and a timeless dress.

Having said that, I have also learned that I don’t really need that many things to be happy. Unfortunately, I sometimes forget.

I have learned to appreciate plants more.

I have (re-)learned that thank you-cards are important.

I have learned that sometimes I chase dreams that aren’t mine. But I have also learned to pursue some of my own dreams in small steps.

I have learned oh so many other things as well this year. I guess that goes to show that it has paid off and that despite my constant feeling of not having made the most of my time, I have got a lot out of my year.

And maybe –and that’s just maybe- I have learned something about that over- and misused word empowerment.