Great Expectations

After a conversation about meditation and Buddhism, a very dear friend of mine lent me a book called Going Buddhist by Peter J. Conradi as a kind of a Buddhism For Dummies-kind of introduction to the faith. I remember studying Buddhism in Religious Education class in school, so I didn't consider myself a complete beginner. Still, I thought a personal account of Buddhism, subtitled "Panic and emptiness, the Buddha and me", would be an appropriate way to learn to understand the philosophy in simple terms, and to find out more about meditation, something that I have been interested in for a while.

Now, I'm not one for self-help books. Or maybe secretly I am, but in practice I usually shun away from the overly cheerful paperbacks that scream quick fix. Still, I am half intrigued by them and was open to the one that was lent to me (although I was warned it was far from perfect). Going Buddhist is described as a "self-help book for cynics", and this too helped me in approach the book with an open mind.

Unfortunately, Conradi did not want to write a book about Buddhism, but about himself, about his friendship with Iris Murdoch, about the chip that he carries on his shoulder because of bad experiences with what they call "religion", i.e. some form of Christianity. It made me quite angry to first see the potential of the book and then be disappointed. It somehow justified my scepticism and left me feeling a bit bitter about it all.

Of course, it's not the book's fault. I'm sure my expectations were far too high as usual. I am often told that my expectations for various things are too high, so I'm sure books are no different.

So I decided to go for an author that I had a bad attitude towards: the Dalai Lama. Call me irreverent if you will, but I am wary of these saint-like 20th/21st century characters that pop up every once in a while: the Dalai Lama, Princess Diana, Barack Obama...I don't mean to say that I am against them as such. But I can't help but treat these figures with a bit of suspicion. So when I decided to buy a book by the Dalai Lama, I was taking a big step. I later told about this step to two acquaintances, and they didn't seem to understand why it was such a big step. In any case, I have got off to a promising start - I have cast away my negative expectations and my suspicions. I am in a sense back to having great expectations, in a good way, but somehow in reverse...if that makes sense.

Will I become one of the herd who hails the Dalai Lama to the heavens? I don't really like the idea, but half of me hopes it will be the case. Even if it's just because I don't want to be disappointed with a book two times in a row.

And, you know, it would be kind of nice to learn a bit about inner peace and all that once I'm at it.